Lude Generation

I'll keep this short and miss some personal details but my friend is marrying the wrong girl...and possibly the wrong gender?

The history. They have been together for 4 years and engaged for 2, own a house no kids or pets, he works all the hours god will let him (80k this year) and she's barely part time on a kitchen but spends it like there rich. Personally I've never really got on with her just appreciated he seem'd happy and I made the most of it, non of my friends or gf's have liked her overly aswell. But things seem to have gotten worse!

The latest. The stag do was this sat which was just a night out in town which was simple enough for us. But the things I've learn from this night and what he's admitted, this wedding is deffo wrong for him.

This first shock was to find they broke up 2-3 months ago but patched it up, this is not a regular thing for them, but it's gets worse. After only a few drinks we had a wall to the next pub and we had a long chat about it all, it seems he isn't as happy as should be to be marrying and has been seriously questioning his sexuality. From his chat he's had 'experiances' and thinks he doesn't love her any more. he was basically in tears saying this but just feels its all to late to pull out.

I'm totally supportive of him being bi/gay what ever he wishes, I just can't see how they can be still getting married knowing this, I'm pretty sure she knows?

More bad things about her. I've found in the past she can be stroppy and demanding like a little child, won't except anything less than diamonds and gold! But now I've heard she threatens him and calls him worthless pos etc. she once used a condom from his wallet to screw someone else without him knowing.

I don't know if they plan to carry on this way or what but he thinks it may work better once married? Imo he will regret in the first day and have said this but he wants to try, using the marriage as a little bit of a cover up I believe? His brother is gay and very happy but has been disowned by there dad, prob putting pressure on my friend to do the right thing.

So it seems the main reason he's goin ahead is to please his dad and everyone in the family, some from Canada, and because it's become to late to do anything else.

The wedding is this weekend. She has other guys who want to be with her and have said they may say she can't marry him in protest!

I'm finding it hard to do the right thing, how the hell can he right now?

Any advice from you people from past experience maybe?

Cheers pete

Is she fit?

Personally I find gut feeling and instinct never let me down. Does she know you hate her?
I would refuse to be the best man that should then open the door to explaining the truth.
If you are the best man then at the point of where they ask if anyone knows of any unlawful impediment why these two should not marry..... You should jump up and say you love him. Bit extreme but it puts it right out there in the open.

But on the already down side to it all she is common-law wife anyway. If they get married and the divorce he could still have to pay her moneys till she is dead.
My mate got divorced and he still pays even now 20 years later. At least if they don’t marry then they only have the common-law bit to worry about.

Shiny wrote:Is she fit?

oh dear lloyd.

Shiny wrote:Is she fit?

From what you've said, he obviously shouldn't be gettibeng married. The obvious thing to do would be wait til the wedding, and when the dude says " does anybody object to this marriage" shout out.

That would be highly embarrassing for all involved, so I'd suggest having a proper chat with him, and see if something can be resolved before the wedding.

No shiny I'm afraid not.

As they have been living together for over 2 years I guess she is entitled to half the house but I expect all the dept on credit cards are in his name, even earning what he does, it doesn't cover their spending. The wedding alone was 20k easy.

I had thought of throwing in the towel and crashing the wedding making them call it off but what if it does work out? I'd loose a good friend and spoilt his chances of being happy( as slim as it seems).

I've got no experience of marriage, but I'd say although the wedding day is incredibly close, it's not "too late" at all. (Don't know how the deposits/payments work, but that's kind of irrelevant considering it's the guy's life and happiness at stakes here.) It's only too late once he says "I do".

Also, he'd be a fool to think it's going to get better once they're married. If anything it'll be worse, as she'll feel she has him trapped and she'll probably end up being more demanding than ever!

Then if his Dad can't accept him for who he or his brother is, then he's not really a great Dad is he? As hard as it would be, he needs to remove his Dad's thoughts from the equation... It's his thoughts that matter, and if these feelings towards the same gender get stronger, then he'll end up lying to himself as well as his Dad.

Obviously his call at the end of the day, but it sounds like he'll end up making the wrong decision just to please the people he really should actually be angry with instead.

... IMO

I've been married for over 5 years and even back then I was 100% certain it was what I wanted. If I had any doubts at all, I'd have called it off. I'm aware people get pre-wedding jitters, but it would be more akin to nervousness for the day than what he's had so far.

From the sounds of things, this is not the right path for him BUT, and this is a big but, you need to talk to him and if it is called off, he needs to make the call. Support him whatever he does, but don't make the call yourself man - I can't see any way that would end well for you.

Good luck dude, hope you find some kind of peace with this one

jeez tough one, I'm not keen on my friends missus and thats bad enough

now I avoid him abit, sucks coz hes a good m8

dont sound like hes happy, and plenty of fish in the sea, male or female

indigolemon wrote:I've been married for over 5 years and even back then I was 100% certain it was what I wanted. If I had any doubts at all, I'd have called it off. I'm aware people get pre-wedding jitters, but it would be more akin to nervousness for the day than what he's had so far.

From the sounds of things, this is not the right path for him BUT, and this is a big but, you need to talk to him and if it is called off, he needs to make the call. Support him whatever he does, but don't make the call yourself man - I can't see any way that would end well for you.

Good luck dude, hope you find some kind of peace with this one

THIS /\ 100%. Although I'm 4 years down the line from my marriage, no doubts in my head - his doubts are BIG!

Talk to him. It's never too late to call off - it's a big step in anyone's life and he shouldn't make the wrong one because of other people or 'doing the right thing'. The only right thing is being true to his feelings.

I have known a couple of people that have cancelled weddings, one 2 months before and another 1 week before. It can be heart breaking for the other party and effects all family and friends that were geared up to come to the wedding, but that's irrelevant. This is the time where he needs to be selfish and look after number 1.

Speak to him man. Shouldn't just take a few beers to have to talk about these things, but he's made the first step mentioning it to you. He sounds very confused and I think you need to help steer him in the right direction. I'm sure he'd appreciate this more than anything.