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As the best man, how do I stop this wedding?

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Duo
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Post by Duo » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:00 pm

What indigo said dude, you need to get him sober and when she's not around, this kind of thing only gets worse. An ex of mine though she was happy with a guy, she lost all her confidence and even underwent surgery to be his "perfect girl" but to no avail, the guy would be most useful being fed through a wood chipper and used as compost. Too late for her now, the surgery causes constant pain and she can never eat normally again either.

When you chat to him express your worry at the whole situation, nobody should work like that, debts he can pay off, a divorce settlement is a lifetime of damage limitation. There is also the question of would the mood swings become violent, is he going to become a victim of domestic abuse? Maybe. His dad is not part of this either, if he's gay/bi or wants to be a tg/ts it's up to him and nobody has the right to judge him for that so anyone who does sadly isn't worth the time or effort.

It's going to be a long chat and hard to do but you need to be clear and concise as I've been there and if he's that comitted you will need to move a mountain to convince him otherwise. Certainly I've not listened when I should have at times so do your best to lay out your very real concerns for his wellbeing, happiness and future. If you keep it calm and clear he should listen and let him know you'll support any decision he makes and let him know it's not too late at all.

Good luck dude and get back to us if you need any other advice/opinions, friends like you are rare these days 8-)

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Post by A1ex » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:02 pm

If she knows it isn't right too then they'll both regret getting married and it won't last.

Definately a tough call, I think peep show covered the getting married but don't want to topic quite well. All be it, light heartedly but the end result is we'll portrayed,

Perhaps he just needs some time away from her to clear his head?

Also, if she's entitled to half of everything, doesn't that include the debts?
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Post by bristol_bb4 » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:03 pm

I'm not gunna give any advice because all that comes to mind is have her assasinated! She sounds like a biatch!

Deffo feel for both you and your buddy though! Horrible for him to be in that situation and just as horrible for you to see someone you obviously care a lot about to be in a bad place!
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Post by mercutio » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:07 pm

I knew my marriage was wrong when i was signing the book too late then and it went tits up after that i tried to make it work but i couldnt keep it going and we ended up divorcing i am happier now but wish i had been brave enough at the time to walk away before the wedding.
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Post by Dino » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:10 pm

He needs to be happy fella. Youre a long time dead.
You need to talk to him about these issues while you are both sober.

If they get married and kids become involved, things will be so much harder for him and the family.

By the sounds of it, it doesnt sound like a good foundation for the marriage.

If needs be, call marriage of first and then he can deal with his sexuality when the dust has settled.

Its a tough one, but if my best mate was in the same positon id tell jim.

Decision is his at the end of the day.

Money is money, reassure him that his real friends and family will be there for him if he decides to tackle these issues.

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Post by NafemanNathan » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:36 pm

Who the hell's Jim?!

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Post by Shiny » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:41 pm

My serious contribution now.

As above, make sure he is sober.

1. Express your concerns
2. Ask if he is happy with her
3. Ask if he is happy marrying her

If 2 & 3 are answered "yes", be supportive of his decision or lose him as a friend.

If it all goes wrong in the future, be a good mate and help pick up the pieces.

If it all goes wrong because he comes out the closet, be a good mate ensure you take the body lemonade out him for being gay at every given opportunity. There were 5 of us (mates) that grew up together (from about the age of 3 or 4), one got married. He then came out the closet and they divorced. Next thing i knew another one came out the closet and they ended up living together. It is drokking weird for 2 of your closest friends to be playing chuffa-trains. It was only fair to rip the body lemonade out of them. On the plus side, going to gay clubs and looking at lipstick lesbians having a snog is awesome. I once saw a fight between a man dressed in drag and a female butch bouncer, she dragged the queen out by his hair :lol:
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Post by indigolemon » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:49 pm

NafemanNathan wrote:Who the hell's Jim?!
Chief Commissioner of the Marriage Happiness Police I think ...
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Post by NafemanNathan » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:50 pm

Shiny wrote:As above, make sure he is sober.

1. Express your concerns
2. Ask if he is happy with her
3. Ask if he is happy marrying her

If 2 & 3 are answered "yes", be supportive of his decision or lose him as a friend.
But if his answered are swayed by the pressure from her and his Dad and you can see through it, then you still need to tell him how you see it.

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Post by paul bristol uk » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:50 pm

Cohabitation - living together

There are over four million couples living together in England and Wales in cohabitation, and they are given legal protection in several areas. However, they and their families have significantly fewer rights and responsibilities than people who are married or who have formed a civil partnership.

Many people think that, after living with their partner for a few years, they become 'common law husband and wife' with the same rights as married couples. This is not the case. In fact, couples who live together have hardly any of the same rights as married couples or civil partners.

There is no such thing as ‘common law marriage’.

If you are living together as a couple, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your partner. There are also ways to minimise the legal and financial problems which may arise if you decide to separate, or if one of you dies.

You can find out about the current rights of cohabiting couples from Advicenow – an independent website offering information on rights and legal issues. Their ‘Living Together’ campaign is intended to make both opposite and same-sex cohabitants more aware of their legal status. The campaign also provides advice on how to protect yourself and your family, should you wish to do so.

Download 'The Rights of Cohabiting Couples - an introduction' from Advicenow (PDF, 176K)
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